How does love feel like?

I ask myself this question quite often, maybe because I’ve always received acts of love, but rarely experience the feeling of love itself.

I see my dad cook dinner for us every single day, and go out of his way to buy back lunch, even if it’s inconvenient.

My mom comes and nag at me to do my taxes, created an entire excel sheet decked with formulas, and sits down with me to do my taxes with me, because she knows I’ll likely procrastinate till I get in trouble.

My past boyfriends would ask me if I got home safely, and one even drove from one end of Singapore to the other to send me home from work (without me asking).

I guess THAT is love? I could see it through these acts of kindness, but I’ve never really felt it.

Am I incapable of love? Or is love simply a decision? Maybe I won’t feel love?

A few days ago, I felt it. It wasn’t just a tinge, a tug, or a tingle. I felt an overwhelming wave of unconditional love surge through my entire being and brought me to tears within the minute.

This was the exact moment.

In March, I travelled to Taiwan to speak at the Asian Wander Women Summit, and was there as a participant too. It was a 2 day Business summit, followed my a 2 day Travel portion with the new friends we made.

For the first time ever, I was surrounded by women who were unafraid to be themselves. Women who were passionate, fearless, authentic, beautiful in their multifaceted being. We laughed uncontrollably and played with childlike wonder. We had deep, healing conversations and held space for each other. We shared our knowledge and expertise, brainstorming ways to design an aligned life and business.

In the pictures above, I was with a group of these ladies as we wrote our intentions on a lantern to release into the sky. Before releasing it, we held hands and verbalised our intentions. The moment I held their hands, I felt a surge of energy come through my hands, and the warmth of unconditional love swept over me.

I felt the Universe speaking to me saying: “Rae, you are loved for all that you are. You belong.”

I remembered the times in my teen years where I struggled to fit in and find my place in this world. I was either not good enough, or too much. I needed to be more formal, more intelligent, or in other groups, more loud and sassy. I always felt like I needed to be someone I’m not in order to belong.

The past few days at the summit, I find myself showing up with different parts of me unconsciously and effortlessly.

I moved through being speaker rae, learner rae, networking rae, making friends rae, excited-to-travel rae, childlike rae, and all the rae’s that words can’t describe. I never had to second guess how I showed up. I just did.

I felt free. Flow. Graced by love. As you can see below – we have speaker rae, making friends rae, and… idk what the last pic is, haha.

And this wasn’t the first time I’ve experienced this love.

I never really realised it because it all happened so gradually. This summit just had a concentrated surge of passion, purpose and love that it struck a chord within me.

But upon reflection, I realised that the friends I’ve made and communities I’ve been a part of over the past few years are people who love me for who I am. All of me, even the parts that aren’t pretty or that exciting.

These are friends I made by simply showing up as me.

These are friends who allowed me to be all that I am. They respected me as speaker-coach rae, embraced me as silly-kid rae, and held space for me when I was the rae who fell apart in shame and frustration.

We work together, learn together, and celebrate milestones in life together.

A thriving relationship requires kindness and grace.

There were times I’ve made mistakes or said something I didn’t mean, and I was showed the kindness and grace to learn and grow. I’m not afraid of speaking my mind and sharing my honest opinion because I know that if I hit a nerve, they would let me know.

And I realise that we don’t need to reserve love only to our friends and family. Loving a stranger is reserving judgment and allowing them to show you who they are. Loving a colleague is giving them grace in their moments of distress, trusting in their character and proven work ethic.

Love is acknowledging our common humanity.

Knowing that each and every one of us are here living out the shared human experience of life, and when one of us is hurting, we hurt too.

Showing love, expressing love, and living life with love starts with loving ourselves.

Allowing ourselves to show up with authenticity and integrity, with all the facets of our unique being, anchored on the belief that the right people will love us for who we are. The right people will want you on their team. The right people will invite you into their tribe. The right people will make you feel like you truly belong.

Some may say “Rae, you talk about all this lovey dovey stuff, but I need to morph myself into someone that employers will hire! How can I be my true self?”

We need to stop seeing ourselves as a servant to life. We are the designer of our life, the author of our story. And even as an employee, we’re the partner to our employer. We decide what are the companies we want to work for based on their values and culture. And as a business owner, we can choose to reach out to the clients that align with our values and beliefs.

Being ALL of me has attracted me aligned clients and collaborators who PAY ME because they like me for all that I am.

When you live life through the lens of love, we expand our heart and invite greater possibilities into our life.

In every decision you make: Does it feel light and expansive, or heavy and full of expectation?

In every community you’re part of: Do you feel free to express who you are, or are you limited to a version of yourself that’s safe and agreeable?

In every word you say: Are you doing it from a place of authenticity and integrity, or fear and limitation?

Your body knows, it’s just up to us to observe and listen.

And if there’s any one thing you take away today, know this: You deserve to be loved for who you are.